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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126704">Rude Tales of Magic Beach Episode</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronVonChop/pseuds/BaronVonChop'>BaronVonChop</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rude Tales of Magic (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Day At The Beach, Fluff, Gen, Vacation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronVonChop/pseuds/BaronVonChop</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Rude Tales of Magic crew deserve a nice day at the beach.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rude Tales of Magic Beach Episode</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had the idea for this story before "Pack Your Bags" and I decided to write it anyway. Does this story take place before that episode? Does Bellow use his Vacationism powers to take them to the beach? Please don't worry about it, it's just beach fluff.</p><p>This was my 69th fic to be posted to AO3.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Albee, Cordelia, Bellow, Stirfry, and Frederick DeBonesby stand blinking, trying to absorb what just happened. The reader may imagine whatever monster the group just dispatched, but it should be noted that wet chunks of the creature now coat the surroundings and drip from the group themselves.</p><p>Stirfy braces his legs apart and puts his hands on his hips. Something - a spleen, perhaps? - lies draped over his forehead at a jaunty angle, and he leaves it there. "Well, that was quite a ruckus, and make no mistake! Ha ha, yes, a genuine fracas, you could say!"</p><p>Frederick DeBonesby flicks a bony fingertip through his eye socket, scooping out a glob of gunk. He shakes it from his finger. "Yes, well, let us never do that again."</p><p>Albee still clutches her staff, her knuckles white. "Did I hit it too hard? Or… not hard enough?"</p><p>Cordelia closes her eyes. "Can I just… not process this? Is that allowed?"</p><p>"Guys…" Bellow says, carefully. "I think we deserve a vacation. I'm thinking… beach?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Lovely."</p><p>"Tally ho!"</p><p>"<em>Please</em>."</p>
<hr/><p>Hot sand.</p><p>Cool waves.</p><p>Blue sky.</p>
<hr/><p>Frederick DeBonesby wears green board shorts with a palm tree pattern. Although he has no intention of going in the water, he has an inflatable swim ring around his middle, with the head of a nonspecific equine creature emerging from the center. A hefty glob of sunscreen is smeared above his nosehole, and he does not let his lack of lips stop him from sipping from the straw of his perfectly-chilled fruity cocktail with several paper umbrellas in it.</p><p>Cordelia wears a purple two-piece swimsuit that matches her hair. Her dark fur makes the purple really pop. She holds an extra-long surfboard under one arm while eating a snow cone in a paper cup. Painted on the surfboard is a buff mermaid flexing.</p><p>Albee snoozes on a beach towel in a tanktop and shorts. Some sixth still allows her to call out "dibs!" when a cute person walks by. Cordelia wonders how she does it.</p><p>Stirfry sits on a beach chair under an umbrella, reading a paperback novel with "Passion" in the title. He is in an old-timey one-piece swimsuit with alternating white and black horizontal stripes. A popsicle melts slowly in his other hand, momentarily forgotten as he is absorbed by a particularly salacious chapter.</p><p>Bellow wears board shorts and flipflops, and something about being on a beach makes him look even more shirtless than usual.</p><p>They all wear large novelty sunglasses.</p><p>Cue a montage!</p><p>Albee, Cordelia, Stirfry, and Bellow out in the water, tossing a beach ball around. It is unclear whether they are playing "keep-away" or if just nobody wants to throw the ball to Stirfry.</p><p>Frederick DeBonesby sees some githzerai kids building a sand castle and mocks the bastion's inherently indefensible layout. He ends up helping them build a superior, impregnable sand fortress.</p><p>The group all walk along the sand, eating ice cream cones with at least three scoops each. Flipcup hangs down from the tip of Stirfry's cone and drinks the melting ice cream out of it.</p><p>The group tosses a frisbee around. Albee accidentally kicks sand onto some hobgoblins. When the hobgoblins get mad, Cordelia throws them into the ocean. Frederick DeBonesby hits them with a lightning bolt for good measure.</p><p>The group gets chewed out by a kobold lifeguard for clearing the water with the lightning strike.</p><p>The group walks along the boardwalk eating fries drenched in salt and vinegar out of paper bags. Flipcup's legs stick out of the top of Stirfry's bag.</p><p>The group sunbathes on beach towels. Nobody seems to mind that Bellow is the only one capable of tanning.</p><p>Albee rides on Cordelia's shoulders while Stirfry rides on Bellow's. They wade out into the water and try to stand their ground as big waves come in. A big wave knocks them down and Albee ends up on top of Bellow in the shallows. Albee gets a nosebleed.</p><p>The group fights the giant shark monster which emerges from the depths, drawn by the scent of blood in the water.</p><p>The group gets pizza and beer for dinner. They eat on the restaurant patio overlooking the beach, where the sun sinks into the ocean.</p><p>"That was cool," says Cordelia.</p><p>"Nice and restful," sayd DeBonesby.</p><p>Bellow adds, "Except for maybe that shark part."</p><p>DeBonesby gives a clavicular shrug. "I didn't mind that. I didn't even have to get in the water."</p><p>"It ate me!" Albee objects.</p><p>Stirfy titters. "We got you back out! Eventually!"</p><p>"Yeah, okay," Albee says. "And the rest of the day was good."</p><p>"Yes," DeBonesby agrees. "Overall, just the sort of thing we needed."</p><p>"Same thing tomorrow?" Bellow asks. "Without the shark," he adds hastily.</p><p>Cordelia raises her beer. "Sounds like a plan!" They all cheers.</p><p>"After all," Bellow muses, "how many more ancient creatures could there possibly be, waiting in the ocean off this one beach?"</p><p>Somewhere, in dark water, an eye opens, and another, and another, and another...</p>
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